Ob boy, so I messed up this weekend. My gf was asking all these questions about our "future" and I told her what she wanted to hear LIKE i ALWAYS DO,lol. This time she KEPT GOING ON AND ON. I know I messed up.She thinks I am going to propose to her!!!! I don't even want to live with this chick! My peeps just laugh at me so they are no help. My gf's cool but really I'm just seeing how things play out. She has a kid and I'm not ready to play dad to some other man's kid. I'm really not a bad guy but shes also been packing on some lbs lately. Its just not looking good. How long can I stall? Is it ill of me to blame it on the fat or the fat kid??

I've been ON with my lover Rudy and we've lived a year together in my house, but there are times when I wish he would vanish, like today. Rudy is a crazy environmentalist and here I am desperate for a HOT bath and all he can tell me is to wait for another hour until the Camp Solar bag gets hot enough. I want to scream and tell him that this is the 21st century and I wonder why we're living with only one portable kitchen water heater.Thus, I have to wait for 2 hours and take THAT Camp Solar bag filled with 5 gallons of water and hang it up before I get my hot shower. The other day, despite the fact that the house has its own heating system, he decided to put the thermostat low "to save energy" and sit near the fireplace instead. I am all for saving the environment, but I refuse to live like a camper. Last Christmas sucked also because he wanted an artificial tree telling me that "Christmas is no excuse to be cutting down trees!" Now, he's telling me that in Russia old men jump the ice lakes because it improves their body circulation and very few people "indulge" in showers.. I hate the way he said "indulge", as if hot showers were a LUXURY.... I want to tell him to go to Russia and drown himself in one of those ice lakes so he can improve the circulation of his brain cells!!!! This is my house and I am thinking that my life would be more comfortable without him. After all, he probably can live and love better hugging a tree instead of ME!

Doreen my sister was with me yesterday when we went to the Faulkner Hospital in Boston. We both live together in our Massachusetts home since our parents passed away. I decided to accompany her and I knew she had been attending healing sessions conducted by Benny Hinn, the televangelist. She told me she had the "feeling" that her breast Cancer is now"all gone". Of course, I knew that the doctor would probably say that she STILL needed to continue her chemo sessions and that miracles can happen, but "sorry, not in this case anyway". Also, I personally am not a fan of televangelists but I wanted to make Doreen happy and decided to accommodate her request. After more than an hour drive, there we were waiting for her doctor, Dr. Finch, who made sure that he was nice to Doreen as I was. Dr. Finch decided to give Doreen new tests and said that he'd call in the next day. It was about 10 am, the next day, when Doreen knocked on my room enthusiastically screaming, " I am healed! I am healed" , the doctor said so!". I pretended to be happy for her but the moment she left my room, I called Dr Finch and asked him why he was bullshitting my sister. He replied, "Oh no, I wouldn't do that. I am a doctor. The tests we did yesterday did not indicate any sign of malignancy." Was the doctor's first prognosis wrong OR was Doreen REALLY healed because of her faith? I wonder.

My adopted parents dropped a bombshell on me. I always knew I was adopted into this family when I was a few months old but my parents always told me they didn’t know who my real parents were. I have 2 other siblings that are their biological children & we really love each other so that’s no problem. I am the youngest & my parents have always spoiled me. I guess they were trying to make up for me being adopted. I admit I love the attention growing up so everything was great. I still live at home because I am in my last year at college & the university is close by. It just made sense not to move on campus. Yesterday my adopted mom told me that they had been lying to me for 18 years. She said that my real mother had been demanding to meet me. She said that her &my adopted dad never wanted me to know the truth about my real mother. Se said that my real mother was a known prostitute around town & there’s no telling who my father is. I couldn’t believe she was telling me all this stuff now. I asked her why didn’t she tell me before now & she said that they didn’t want to hurt me with the knowledge of who my real mother was. She started crying then &told me that she didn’t want me to meet my real mother because the woman is a s$@t wo doesn’t deserve my love. I had never heard my mother talk about anyone that way before & I couldn’t believe she would feel that way. I had often wondered who my real mother was. Not that I don’t love my adopted family but I do want to know where I came from. My adopted mom went on about how she would be so disappointed if I wanted to meet this woman. She said she would feel betrayed. I don’t know what to do. I want to at least meet my real mother &hear what she has to say but then I don’t want to hurt my adopted mom. I feel like there’s more she not telling me. She really upset about me meeting my mother & something just don’t seem right. My adopted dad isn’t saying anything. I just don’t know.

Here I am looking at a dog carcass all over the place and THIS is supposed to be a "reputable" Chinese restaurant in Guiyang, China? I had to represent my company and talk about business expansion possibilities with these people... and everything seems so surreal as I sit here. Mr. Dee, the Chinese Company CEO says that this is one of the best restaurants in Guiyang and the best place to talk business. I am not sure I can even stand staying here for the next hour as we wait for his associates. I can't even EAT here, instead I feel like I am going to puke! I want to tell these people that dogs are pets.wtf are they actually serving dog meat in restaurants here?!!!! I can only think of my pet Squirt, and how lucky he is to be probably curled up in his doggie-bed while I see people here devouring dogs, dogs, dogs that should be LOVED instead of eaten. WTF is wrong with this world??? How can I even discuss business knowing that these poor dogs have been slaughtered so that Mr. Dee and his kind can have their "food supply". Sure, it's all a matter of culture because we do eat and slaughter cows.. but dogs?? duh!??? I also know that Mr. Dee is trying his best to entertain me and has been pretty decent until NOW and he's not even aware that he's offending me. I couldn't stand IT.. I walked OUT with nary a word. Mr Dee run to find out if anything is wrong and I could only say, "I love dogs damnit!". Was I wrong or too impulsive? I hope that my boss Maureen would understand because she happens to have her dogs too... On the other hand I almost certainly lost the chinese account and my bonus along with it. Only question is: will I lose my job over it? Should I try to call Mr. Dee and apologize? Just thinking about the restaurant scene makes me want to vomit.