I yelled at my mom for getting all up in my business about my boyfriend. She doesn’t think Sam and me should be as tight as we are. I am 20 but Sam is 40. I keep telling her that Sam is a good man and loves me like no body else ever has. She says that he is way too old for me. I think I am very mature for my age but my mom says that Sam is her age and it just doesn’t seem right to her. I told her that if she didn’t stop with all the stuff about Sam I was going to leave and never speak to her again. I said that was why Kerri my older sister didn’t come around now. I told her she is pushing me away with all the nagging about Sam. She just won’t leave it alone. I told her I thought she might want Sam for herself. That’s why she keeps on about it. She says she doesn’t understand what Sam sees in me and it almost seems like he is a pedophile. Sam respects me more than my mom does and I told her so. I told her that I think she really wishes she was me and she could be getting what I get from Sam. She started crying and saying that she just wanted me to be careful and not ruin my life like she had. I asked her what she was talking about but she said she didn’t want me to end up with someone like my father. She said that was what I was doing just trying to find some man to take the place of my dad. My father left her when me and Kerri were little. I think she has never gotten over it even though my father remarried and had 3 other kids with his new wife. Things are cool between my dad and me but he refuses to come by the house if mom is there. I know he must of broke her heart when he left but that was so long ago. She just needs to get over it. I know I said some hateful things but she is just getting on my nerves with her constant nagging about him. I don’t know why I let her get to me and I don’t want to leave my mom but she pushing me away with her attitude. I know I can’t take the words back but I do feel bad about saying them. But if she doesn’t stop with all this I just might have to leave and move in with Sam.

I saw this girl I went to high school with at the Outback restaurant. She was working as a waitress. She looked real bad. I saw what my friends said was true. She used to be the coolest girl in high school. I had tried to get with her so many times but she always shot me down. I had a super crush on her but she wouldn’t give me the time of day. I kind of told my pals that I was dating her when I really wasn’t. I wasn’t the worst looking guy in school but I guess I just wasn’t her type. She would speak to me but just in passing. I made up all kinds of stories about her and told my friends that she was into all kinds of kinky s$x. I remember I even said that she had turned me on to meth. I don’t know why I said all that stuff about her. I guess I was just so pissed off that she wouldn’t date me that I wanted to make her seem like a s$@t or something. After we graduated from high school I didn’t see her anymore but my pal Omar said that he had seen her and she was really tore up. I asked him what had happened n he said you know that girl was a ho n everybody knew it. He said that he heard a bunch of guys had got her high n s$@t at a party n she had s$x with everybody there. I said wow man I didn’t know that. He said you should have. She was the one who turned you on to meth. I said yeah I know but it was just that one time anI didn’t get hooked or nothing so no problem. Omar said that he heard she had a baby n didn’t even know who the daddy was. I knew I had lied about everything n I wondered if this had made the guys do what they had to her. Some guys are like that. I felt so bad but I didn’t know what to say when I saw her. She recognized me when I had sat down with my girlfriend at another table and nodded at me I nodded back. My girlfriend asked me if I knew that chick n I said no never seen her before. I felt like such a piece of s$@t I didn’t even look at her again.

I joined the army right about a year out of high school. I didn’t have any big plans for my life hanging around Ft Worth TX just didn’t seem exciting. My folks thought it was a good idea because my older brother had gone into the military too. They didn’t push me hard to join but they made it clear that I needed to find myself do something with my life. I have a lot of respect for my mom and dad and wanted to make them happy. Since I didn’t have anything else to do I inlisted too. My dad kept saying that he was happy for me but don’t end up somewhere with a bad reputation. I guess he was talking about all the trouble I had got in when I was a kid in school. I always hung with the wrong guys. I just sort liked the fast crowd. I had a mustang that I had worked hard to pay for.my dad had finished helping me pay for it. I thought I was a cool dude and all the good looking girls were in to me big time. When I went through basic training I thought to myself what kind of s$@t have I gotten myself into. All that running around and dragging heavy weights through muddy s$@t like that wasn’t for me. I did like the weapons training it was cool. I did make it through and got a decent assignment. I didn’t ship out to a war zone right away so I was cool with it. It wasn’t until later that I had to go overseas. Now I am home on leave and I have actually served a year in Afghanistan. Man I never knew I could do it but I have. Believe it or not I am really proud of myself because in the beginning I wanted to just get the h$@l out of there any way I could. I even thought about going awol on their a$s. Bombs going off right next to you people hating you just because. That some pretty sick s$@t. But now I think I know what my mom and dad have been saying. I feel like I making a difference and helping people. But you know the best thing was when my dad said son we are so proud of you. I know it has been tough but we are proud of the man yu have become.

I' cant believe this! More lay offs today at my job. Only one person in my department was let go. Its a good thing but it looks sooooo grimy. Rumor is his boss had it out for him. I wish I gotten to know some of these folks better and have gotten their numbers.
Sucks a$s!

My friend Jami is 1 of those girls that have a big heart she loves to do for others before she does for herself. We have been friends for so long that she seems just like my sister or something. I know she always has my back in any situation. until I did what I did I would have had her back too. She told me that she thought her boyfriend Rick was cheating on her. She said she had seen him texting & when she asked him about it he said he was just checking something with one of his boys. Jami said it got so bad that he would leave her go to his car and sit outside her house on his cell. I tried to play it off by saying that he probably was just talking to his friends no big deal don’t worry about it. She said that wasn’t the worst of it. She said that he had seen him at a store in the mall & he was buying this sweater in this store she really loves. She said he didn’t see her and she didn’t say anything because she didn’t want to ruin the surprise for her. But he didn’t give it to her so what’s up with that. I told her that I had never seen Rick with any other girl so she must just be imagining stuff. She said I just don’t know Brittany. I think he is cheating on me. You know how much I love Rick. I want to be with him forever. I finally calmed her down and told her everything would be all right. I felt so bad like a fake friend because I have been having s$x with Rick behind Jami back. Jami is my best friend but Rick is just so cute. There are not that many good looking guys here. I felt like I just couldn’t help myself. Besides Rick didn’t exactly push me away. I just wish Brittany was not my friend then I wouldn’t feel so guilty about what I am doing. I don’t want to end my friendship with Jami but I want Rick so much. I feel bad i wish there was some other way. I almost wish i had never done it with Rick but another part of me feels like whatever if he could be my soulmate then what's more important? getting with your soulmate or keeping your friendship? Whenever I'm with Jami I think I have to break it off, but when Rick comes around it's like I can't think straight. F*$k!